But it's not fair......

My children are just under 4 years apart - anyone else hear this every bedtime?

It’s not my fault I’m younger than him why can’t I stay up as late as him?!!

I am so sick of this conversation most nights I normally quickly shut it down with, he is older than you. He needs less sleep, it’s our responsibility to make sure you have enough sleep to be healthy and let your body keep growing. FULL STOP, THE END now go to sleep, I love you goodnight!

Off I run to get some “me” time. Last night I tried to remember feeling the same at her age and spent more time trying to explain why she feels hard done by. Also, how she needs to try and change her narrative with our help.

Kids …

I want to stay up as late as he does

I wish I could drive

I wish I was allowed out on my own

When can I get the bus

I wish I had a job

I wish I could wear high heels and make up

I wish I was taller

I wish I was smaller

I wish I was allowed to choose dinner every night

I wish I could choose where we went every weekend

I wish I had a big bedroom

I wish I had a kingsize bed

I wish I could get up when I wanted

Adults…

I wish I could go to bed earlier

I wish I didn’t have to work 9-5

I wish I could spend my money on whatever I wanted

I wish I didn’t have any bills

I wish I didn’t have to go to boring supermarkets and home stores at the weekend

I wish I had more money

I wish I had a bigger house

I wish I had her hair

I wish I had his body

I wish I was a kid again and didn’t have to “adult”

We all want something someone else has. We are a nation of people constantly wanting more and never being content with what we have.

Yes social media, friends, colleagues, society all have an impact on what we think we should be doing and what we think we should have or be at every milestone of our lives. But don’t we have to at some point stop waiting for the next big achievement and start trying to find happiness, fulfilment in what we have? Being grateful and living in the moment.

Adult’s sometimes go like this…

When ****** gets his pay rise we will be better off

When I lose a bit of weight I will be happier

When it’s summer everything will be easier

When the kids start school I’ll have more time

When I retire I’ll finally do that project I’ve always wanted to

Are we not being a bad example to our children and not teaching them how to be happy with where we are and with what we hav? Are we always chasing the next thing? YES

UNLESS we train ourselves to look at the positives and practise gratitude daily. We need to look back and remember when we just wanted to have a driving licence and be old enough to buy a bottle of Lambrini, without being asked for ID. Now I love nothing more than being asked for ID to buy a bottle of wine - who knew it would be a compliment one day and not a ball ache.

This doesn’t relate to goals and aspirations that are realistic and achievable; still teach them how to take small steps to get to where they want to be. I’m talking more about unrealistic wants and needs mostly materialistic or aesthetic.

So I’m trying more! I’ve always tried off and on and the pandemic has dramatically changed things. I sometimes just wished I could be paid to stay home with the kids, well guess what that’s kind of what I’ve been doing on furlough! I wished I had the time to exercise more and get outside more well guess what, at points I’ve done that. But if you don’t change your actions and thought processes now to accommodate where you want to be, then having that extra free time or money will make zero difference to your life.

If you’re living hand to mouth now because you basically spend all your spare money before you even get paid, then even when you do earn an extra £500 a month you will do the same thing and just spend more and still have less in the bank. Whereas if you start living now like you want to save that spare £100 instead of spending it in Nando’s and Asos then when you have more you will save more. We have to change first and learn our lessons first before the universe gives us a break and rewards us for it!

I truly believe the same negative things will keep happening until you have figured out what the lesson is you’re supposed to learn and learnt from it. Generally speaking that is. I’m not talking about unavoidable tragedies and illnesses but more like the same situations with the same people, places, bank accounts.

Until you hold yourself accountable and make the changes on the inside the outcome will remain the same.

So what did I say to my daughter last night instead of the usual bedtime disagreement…

Darling we have this conversation at least 4 times a week so let’s talk about it a bit more now. When I was younger I couldn’t wait to get a driving licence, be 18, be allowed to stay up late, have my own car, house, money, job etc.

But you realise that whatever age you are there is always someone else who has things you think you want or need to be happier. So you have to instead think about all the things you have got and are allowed to do. Then remember that there are millions of people who just want what you have right now, they would give anything for it.

Enjoy being your age sweetheart, enjoy the freedom you have. Because being an adult has a whole other set of responsibilities and commitments you have no choice but to keep up with. You know what, you might end up saying I wish I didn’t take it for granted when I was younger. There are beautiful things about every stage of your life, don’t waste your time looking forward instead of looking at right where you are now! We then got her happy journal which her auntie bought her and noted down what she’s grateful for today and what makes her happy. I hopefully have dodged the bedtime bullet for tomorrow night, only time will tell - roll on 8pm!

Things I have learnt to be more grateful for this year..

I am grateful for our keyworkers, NHS, being forced to enjoy nature even more than I did, for being forced to shop less, for spending so much more time with my children and watching them grow up even closer this year. Being forced to live with less distractions and being in the moment more. My health, my friends and family’s health, my jobs. I’m grateful I have a chance to write and explore other things I lacked the time and discipline to do before. I’m grateful that I am grateful for a lot more and sweat the small stuff a lot less.

On this note I had a nice chat with my son after school last week. He said “I actually really like school (he kind of always has to be fair but we hadn’t talked so frankly about it before)” he continues..”At the weekend I just want to get back to school to see my friends and use my brain and just learn more”.

Now I could have taken this as an insult considering at present, in the current state of affairs, he spends most of his time with us at the weekend! But I didn’t instead I said to him…

“Do you know what, you probably just have a great deal more appreciation for school than you ever had, and I think your whole generation will now. That’s because you know what it’s like if you didn’t have a school to go to. The pandemic has taught you to appreciate your education, your teachers, and friends. What a lovely thing to come out of this!”

Then I thought wow, wow, WOW, a year ago and for every year as long as I’ve lived I have always considered school to be a permanent fixture in mine and my children’s lives. (Apart from snow days.) If someone had said to me there will be a time when your children will be told not to go to school and it will be safer for you to keep them home, I would have laughed in their face. Crazy huh!

I for one massively appreciate our teachers and education system we are very lucky and they are very patient to say the least!

My Mum Mantra🤎

We can try as parents and carers to stop openly saying I wish I had this or did that or could do this, it’ll be better when etc. They hear and see EVERYTHING. Our little human sponges ready to soak up all your bad habits at any given moment.

We can also remind them of the beautiful bits about being who they are and where they are right now. Talk about it, tell them the lessons you have learnt through the years and the realisations you have had yourself.

If all else fails and they still won’t go to sleep without a 20 minute debate at bedtime, get them to do a 300 star jump challenge before they get into bed. That way they will be so out of breath they won’t be able to reel off paragraphs about wanting to stay up longer. Make a swift exit and your done for the night!